


Sleeping Beauty and the Heterosexual Prince

by littlemisshamish



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-31
Updated: 2013-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-13 05:36:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/500071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemisshamish/pseuds/littlemisshamish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A beautiful princess was cursed to sleep forever, and only a kiss of true homosexual love could break the curse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: PrincessxPrincess

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure crack. Nothing is supposed to make sense. You have been warned. Chapter 2 next week.

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, there lived a beautiful and smart princess named Sherlock. Princess Sherlock was the brother of King Mycroft, the ruler of Baker Kingdom. What was that? Oh. Yes. Brother. Princess Sherlock was actually Prince Sherlock, but he preferred to be called a princess because he claimed that being a prince was “dull” and “boring.”  
  
Now Princess Sherlock was the smartest and prettiest creature in the whole kingdom. Many people look up to him and seek his advice. Although he was ill-mannered at times, he was still very famous, not just in Baker Kingdom but in other kingdoms as well. Princesses from these kingdoms come to King Mycroft to ask for his brother’s hand.   
  
Princess Sherlock, however, refused them all. He said that he was already married to the bees in his brother’s garden, and they are a very jealous wife. Indeed, the princesses who come to the palace were chased away by a swarm of bees until they were forced to jump into the Banker River and swim to safety. In spite of his power, King Mycroft could not do anything to alter his brother’s behaviour. There was nothing that he could do but to bury his face in his hands and sigh in between forkfuls of cake.

-

One day, the princess of Brook Kingdom came to Baker Kingdom. The royal family of this kingdom was known for their use of black magic and spells, and it was with caution that the royal guards brought the princess to King Mycroft’s presence.   
  
King Mycroft almost choked on his cake upon seeing the person standing in front of him. For the princess was not a beautiful lady, nor an ugly one for that matter. The princess turned out to be a young man with shrewd eyes and a dark smile. He did not make a move to kneel before King Mycroft, and this made the king frown. He was about to call his guards to take the princess away when the young man spoke.  
  
“Greetings, my dear Mycroft.” This made the king’s frown deeper. “Oh, sorry.  _King_ Mycroft. I am Princess James from the Brook Kingdom, and I came here to ask for Princess Sherlock’s hand. I suppose I have surprised you with my being a princess and all, but you see, being a prince is so..”  
  
“Dull, boring. Yes, I know.”  _Oh, good. Another lunatic._  
  
Princess James beamed. “Good.  _Good_. I did not expect that an ordinary person such as yourself would understand my sentiments. Very well, now, where is the lovely princess?”  
  
King Mycroft was enraged by this lack of respect for his throne, but this psychopath and Sherlock seemed to have a lot in common, and besides, he was really anxious to get back to his cake, so he ordered his guards to bring Princess Sherlock to them.  
  
“I see.” Princess Sherlock appeared, beautiful as ever, and observed their visitor. "You wear fine clothing, you do not kneel before Mycroft unlike what the other foolish ones did, you carry yourself with an air of authority and class. Must be royalty. Star tattoo on the left side of your neck says Brook Kingdom. Oooh.. Fascinating. The Brook and Baker kingdoms do not have business with each other. In fact, we try to stay away from each other as best as we can. We appear to share the same age, and you have no spouse. Mycroft summoned me, so you must be here to ask for my hand. Am. I. Correct?” He smiled.  
  
Princess James smiled back and shrugged.  
  
“The answer is no. Marrying a prince is so bo-”  
  
“But I am not a prince. I am a princess. Being a prince is dull. You know, just..princing. So boring!”  
  
“Interesting, but still no. You see, I consider myself married to my bees, and while I am flattered by your interest-”  
  
“Silence! Where are these bees you speak of?”  
  
No sooner had he spoken than a swarm of bees suddenly appeared before them. Princess James, however, paid no heed. He continued to stare at Sherlock, and suddenly, it was as if the ceiling of the castle had opened up to let the dark clouds in. There was lightning, and the bees dropped to the ground all at once.  
  
Princess Sherlock was horrified. “My bees! My precious bees!” He turned to Princess James. “Why you little-”  
  
“Uh-uh. Oh, Se-bby~!”  
  
A black archer suddenly appeared in front of Princess James and using his bow and arrow, shot Princess Sherlock in the heart. Princess Sherlock fell, and the arrow vanished. The princess, however, did not regain consciousness.  
  
King Mycroft sprung to his feet, and with a flick of his umbrella, the guards charged towards Princess James. The black archer, Sebastian, produced an invisible shield, and try as they might, the guards were unable to penetrate it.   
  
Princess James laughed. He laughed for a long time. He laughed for so long that Sebastian cleared his throat and nudged him.  
  
“Such impatience, Sebby!” But his eyes were full of delight.  He turned to Mycroft. “Now, Your Highness, since Princess Sherlock refused to give me his hand, I will take his whole body instead. I am such a  _sore_ loser! Oh, do not worry, my dear king, Sherlock is not dead--not yet anyway. He is just sleeping.”  
  
“If you ever-”  
  
“Shh..Hush now, Your Highness, you’ll wake the beautiful princess up. Take him, Sebby.”  
  
Sebastian obediently picked up Princess Sherlock and hoisted him over his shoulder like he weighed nothing.  
  
“I will take him to the Bartholomew Tower, where he will spend the rest of eternity snoozing. Unless..” A flash of evil smile. “Unless a prince comes and gives him a kiss of true homosexual love.”  
  
“Prince James,” Mycroft began and received a glare from James. “ _Princess _ James, do not do this. What do you want? Gold? Jewels? Wait here, and I will have my servants give them to you.”  
  
“Uh-uh-uh.” Princess James shook his head in disappointment. “You bore me, Your Highness, you really do. Well then, I’d be off now. Too-doo-loo!”  
  
With that, Princess James, Sebastian, and Princess Sherlock vanished in a cloud of smoke. King Mycroft was left staring at the spot where they had been. Even with guards and servants around, he felt so alone. For him, there was nothing left. Nothing but him and his cake.


	2. Finding Sherlock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prince John is summoned to save Princess Sherlock. Will he walk the battlefield?

“Oh, for God's sake, Greg, shut up!”

 

“What? I'm only doing my job! These pesky critters are trying to invade our kingdom!”

 

“Dammit, Greg, those are just butterflies!”

 

“Listen to him, John! They're out to murder us all!”

 

“Shut up, Anderson. You're affecting Greg's intellect.”

 

Anderson looked up from the butterfly he was stalking and glanced at John with wide eyes.

 

_Not those Puss in the Boots eyes._ John sighed. “Sorry.”

 

Prince John of Boswell Kingdom was trying to enjoy his afternoon tea with his two friends, Greg the dog and Anderson the cat, in peace. Such peace was not to be achieved, however, for his animal friends were falling on top of each other trying to catch the butterflies in the palace's garden. He glanced contentedly at the orange tabby and the silver dog, and wondered if life could get any better than this. He loved them both—even though Greg was a bit bossy and Anderson was a little lacking in the mental department. He missed battles though. It had been a while since the last time another kingdom tried to invade them. He missed the action, the weapons, the feeling of being in control. But above all, he missed the costume. Harriet would not let him wear it no matter how much he pleaded and begged.

 

His reverie was interrupted by two royal guards who came running to him.

 

“Prince John, you are being summoned by King Harry.”

 

“Did she say why?”

 

“No, Your Highness.”

 

“All right, then.” He got up and called Greg and Anderson. He turned to the guards. “I was just wondering, what are your names?”

 

“I am Guard no. 1,” he motioned to the other guard, “and this is Guard no. 2.”

 

“What? I meant _names_. The names that were given to you by your parents.”

 

“We do not have that, Your Highness. We are just unimportant characters in this story, and the author was too lazy to give us names.”

 

“What story? Who-?”

 

“Please come with us, Prince John.”

 

After exchanging glances with his two friends, Prince John followed the guards. Greg and Anderson were at his heels.

 

-

 

“Prince John, hic, King Mycroft of Baker, hic, Kingdom has asked for you.”

 

“Harriet, have you been drinking again? Where is the queen?”  


“'Tis none of your, hic, business, my dear brother.” She paused as a royal servant came and refilled her royal glass with royal beer. “And it is, hic, Harry.”

 

“All right, hic Harry, what was it that King Mycroft wanted from me?”

 

“How do I know? Just take this dove with you and go to him. Use this bird to send me a message when you are in trouble.” King Harry handed him a birdcage with a single white dove inside it.

 

John took the cage and inspected the bird. “Isn't this the dove that Queen Clara gave you?”

 

“Yes, but she has gone and took off with a larger one.” She took another drink. “If you know what I mean.

 

“Oh.” _So that's why there weren't any weird pterodactyl noises at night recently._ He looked up at his sister. “Hey, your hics are gone.”

 

“What are you, hic, talking about?

 

“Never mind.”

 

-

 

“Greetings, Your Highness. Prince John of Boswell Kingdom, at your service.”

 

Prince John kneeled in front of King Mycroft. He brought both Greg and Anderson with him to keep him company. Actually, he was supposed to leave Anderson behind, but he begged John to take him, claiming that he could be his sniffer dog. Greg did not seem to mind. They followed the trail of bread crumbs and eventually wound up in Baker Kingdom.

 

“Good day to you, Prince John. I would like to extend my gratitude for answering my summons. I suppose that you are aware of the circumstance that has befallen on our princess, Princess Sherlock. I have called various princes from different kingdoms to ask them for help, but most of them were not prepared for the dangers that they might encounter. The few brave ones, however, have not yet returned. Now I ask you, Prince John, are you prepared to face dangerous situations in order to save our princess?”

 

“Yes, Your Highness.”

 

“Excellent. If you succeed in this mission, you can marry the princess. I should warn you though. In this attempt to save Sherlock, you are walking the battlefield.” He observed the prince and smiled. “You miss the wars that involve your kingdom, do you not? Well, Prince John”—dramatic pause—“welcome back.”

 

“Yes. Right. Well, I should get go—.”

 

“Before you leave, would you and your friends like to have some cake?”

 

“No, thank you, Your Highness. Eating cake makes people fat and—“

 

The look that King Mycroft gave him could have melted any armour or shield.

 

Greg whispered to him, “You said the f-word, Prince John.”

 

The prince's eyes widened. “I meant cat!” He picked up Anderson. “Here, free cat!”

 

Anderson squirmed and tried to scratch him. “Put me down, you idiot! Are you trying to give me away?”

 

Greg tried to settle him down. “Anderson, shut up. Please. You'll enrage the king!”

 

“Prince John.” Prince John, Anderson, and Greg froze for a moment and turned to face King Mycroft.

 

“Please leave now before I hit you all with my umbrella.”

 

They did not need to be told twice.

 

-

 

“The king was quite..cute, don't you think?”

 

“Huh?” Prince John looked at the silver dog. “I did not notice. I was too preoccupied by the thought that we may never get out of there without any missing body parts. Did you see the look on his face when I said the word 'fat'?”

 

“Well, you should not have said that. Besides, he was not really fat. He was just..healthy.”

 

“What is with you, Greg? Are you crushing on the king?”

 

Greg gave a yelp of surprise. “I'm a fucking dog, Prince John.”

 

The prince grinned. “Yes. Sure. Whatever you say.”

 

Just then, there was a flash of very bright light. It gradually faded to form the outline of a woman. The three friends stopped dead in their tracks. They all gawked at the woman, who seemed like a fairy now that they could finally get a good look at her.

 

“Hello, Prince John. My name is Mrs. Hudson, and I am a fairy. I am here to assist you in this journey and to grant you your wishes.”

 

“Are you my fairy godmother?”

 

“I'm not your fairy godmother, dear. Mrs. Turner is, but she is on vacation right now, and I am her substitute.”

 

The three just stood and stared at her.

 

“So.. Do you boys want to save the princess or not? Prince John?”

 

“Oh God, yes!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally think the second chapter is quite boring. And I would just like to point out that Lestrade's no ordinary dog. He's a bamf dog. And Anderson's no ordinary cat. He's a sniffer cat. (Also, why do you think King Harry and Queen Clara make weird pterodactyl noises at night? Do they have Tumblr accounts?)
> 
> PS. I don't know why this has a lot of space between paragraphs, and I'm too lazy to edit them. I'm sorry.


	3. The Little Prince and the Mermaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prince John meets the Mermaid.

They did not know that the Lake of Belgravia would be so beautiful.  
  
Prince John, Anderson, and Greg stared open-mouthed at the beauty before them. The water was sparkling, the trees bore fruit, and the flowers were in bloom. All around them, birds were singing and butterflies were—fuck.  
  
“Greg, come back here this instant!”  
  
The silver dog did not seem to hear him. He just kept on running around the lake chasing butterflies. Anderson took one look at John and crept towards Greg, wanting to join him.  
  
“Don’t you dare.”  
  
Anderson stopped and longingly glanced at Greg, who continued to bark and run after the butterflies. The butterflies, however, continued to elude him. Greg was so caught up in his chase that he failed to notice that he was running straight to the lake.  
  
“Greg, watch out!”  
  
There was a splash, and Greg found himself sinking to the bottom of the lake. He had never swam before, but he struggled to reach the surface.  
  
Meanwhile, John was determined to save his canine friend. He peeled his clothes off until only his pants were left. He was about to jump into the water when Greg suddenly resurfaced, gasping. John breathed a sigh of relief and helped Greg reach dry land.  
  
“Are you all right?”  
  
“I am fine.”  
  
“What kind of dog does not know how to swim?”  
  
“Swimming is not my division, Prince John.”  
  
A pause.  
  
“Why is Anderson checking out your behind?”  
  
Prince John turned to look at Anderson. He was, indeed, looking at his arse.  
  
“Stop, Anderson, that is not quite heterosexual.”  
  
Anderson, however,  ignored his request. “Prince John, are those red pants?”  
  
“Shut up.”  
  
“Hello boys! I’m back! Sorry it took so long. The other fairies keep—Prince John!” Mrs. Hudson, who had suddenly appeared, frowned when he saw Prince John, standing there with only his pants on.  
  
“At my age, I should not be seeing such display of naked human flesh. Especially that covered only in a small piece of red underwear.” With a flick of her wand, Prince John’s clothes seemed to come to life and put themselves around Prince John’s body.  
  
“There. Much better. You know, Prince John,” Mrs. Hudson looked at him through the eyes of an adoring mother. “I do hope that you would find Princess Sherlock. You belong together, the two of you. Maybe if he meets you, that cold heart of—”  
  
“He?”  
  
Mrs. Hudson nervously giggled. “Did I say ‘he’?”  
  
She reached into her pocket and produced a watch. “Oh, will you look at the time? I have to go now, dear. Just holler if you need me.”  
  
Another flicker of her wand and she disappeared.  
  
“Well that was strange,” Greg said.  
  
“Tell me about it. What kind of fairy godmother lea—”  
  
Mrs. Hudson suddenly appeared, startling the three. “I’m not your fairy godmother, dear.”  
  
She disappeared again.  
  
-  
  
“Prince John, how are we going to cross to the other side? There is no bridge or anything. And the water is too cold!” a shivering Greg said.  
  
“How about we just go through the forest?”  
  
“Don’t be an idiot, Anderson. That is the Baskerville Forest. People say that there are a lot of dangerous creatures out there.”  
  
“Yes,” Greg agreed. “They even say that there is a giant three-headed hound in there. It has black fur and red eyes. And its whole body is glowing!”  
  
Anderson screeched and scampered to Prince John’s arms, frightened.  
  
“Whoa there!”  
  
“Who are you and what are you doing in my lake?” a seductive but clearly cross voice asked them.  
  
They heard a splash as the source of the voice went out of the water and on to a flat rock.  
  
“Greetings! I’m Prince John from Boswell Kingdom, and...oh.”  
  
Whatever Prince John was supposed to say, he promptly forgot it as his eyes fell upon the beauty before him: Irene, the Keeper of the Lake, professionally known as The Mermaid.  
  
Flowing jet-black hair, blood-red lips, smooth skin, glittering tail...oh, and she’s also naked.  
  
Greg looked at her appreciatively. “Now this is my division.”  
  
And Anderson, well, Anderson just sat there licking his fur. Probably not his area. The Mermaid’s just making him hungry.  
  
“What brings you here?”  
  
Silence.  
  
“Well?” Irene looked at them. “You, little prince.”  
  
“I am not little!” Prince John protested.  
  
“Sure, and you are also not gay.”  
  
“I am not actually gay.”  
  
“Well I...am.”  
  
“Aww..” They both ignored Greg’s disappointed whimper.  
  
“Well?” Irene raised an eyebrow.  
  
“We, um, want to cross the Belgravia Lake. Do you know how to?”  
  
“Of course. In order to cross this lake, you will need to give me the password.”  
  
She gestured towards the lake, and suddenly, the words “I am _ _ _ _ locked” appeared. “What is the password, Prince John? If you had listened...well, I did tell you what it is.”  
  
“You did?”  
  
Irene just smiled. Prince John tried to remember all the four-letter words that the mermaid had said.  
  
“Uh, lake?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“John?” Johnlocked. Hm. Has a nice ring to it.  
  
Irene shook her head. “I do not have all the time in the world, Prince John.” She smiled. “All right. Let me give you a little clue. I did not say the exact word; I just hinted at it.”  
  
Now Prince John became even more confused. Even Anderson was becoming restless.  
  
“Aaargh! This is all cock and b-”  
  
Suddenly, the water in the lake parted to reveal dry land that they could walk on.  
  
“What just happened?”  
  
“It seems your cat said the password.”  
  
“I did?”  
  
“Would you like a kiss as a reward?”  
  
“No, thanks. I would rather eat you.”  
  
“Well that was quick.”  
  
“No, that is not what I me-”  
  
“Enough. Let’s go.”  
  
Irene watched the three of them cross the lake. A white dove landed on her shoulder.  
  
“Give this note to the princess. Tell him they’re coming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know if I should continue.


	4. The Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prince John has reached the end of his journey to rescue his princess. Will they have a happy ending?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thank (and apologize to) everyone who has read this fic. This was supposed to be longer, but I decided to end it as it has become too dull for my taste. I intend to write more decent (but equally crazy) fics next time. Once again, thank you. You guys are awesome.

“The Bartholomew Tower. Finally. We’re here.”  
  
Prince John, Greg, and Anderson stood admiring the tower. After everything they have been through—which is not quite a lot, to be honest—they have finally reached their destination.  
  
“Princess Sherlock is there. My princess.” Prince John gave a smile so wide and bright that it temporarily blinded the birds around them, causing them to bump into each other and crash.  
  
They began climbing the tower. It was a long climb. Greg was panting by the time they reached the top. Even Prince John was tired, but he was Three-Kingdoms Prince John and no tower could prevent him from getting laid.  
  
The room at the top of the tower was bare except for the glass casket surrounded by beautiful and fragrant flowers. Lying inside the casket was the most beautiful creature Prince John had ever seen. But it was also male.  
  
“We are in the correct tower, right? They did say ‘Bartholomew Tower’?”  
  
“Yes, Prince John. According to my GPS, or Greg’s Pretty Sketch of the kingdom, we are in Bartholomew Tower and it is where Princess Sherlock is supposed to be. I may be wrong, but the only other person here is definitely not a princess.”  
  
“Maybe she is just late,” Anderson supplied. Greg tried not to facepalm since he had no palms.  
  
“Hello boys!” Oh, thank goodness. Mrs. Hudson decided to show up at the right time.  
  
“Mrs. Hudson, can you please help us? We could not seem to find the princess anywhere.”  
  
“But you are standing right in front of him, Prince John.”  
  
Prince John looked down at the young man inside the casket. Sure, he is beautiful, but he could not be Princess Sherlock, could he?  
  
“He does not look too princess-y to me.”  
  
“Oh, did I forget to tell you? Princess Sherlock is actually a prince who chose to become a princess. His brother could not do anything, the poor dear.”  
  
Prince John tried to process what Mrs. Hudson had told him. It certainly did not turn out as expected, but looking at the princess’ face, he felt something stir inside of him. Something deep and primeval that sent shivers down his spine and made him ache at the same time. Or maybe it was because Anderson was using his leg as a scratch post.  
  
“Damn my leg!” He shooed Anderson away.  
  
“What am I supposed to do now?”  
  
“Do what King Mycroft told you to do. Kiss him.”  
  
“But he is a man!”  
  
“So?”  
  
“I am not gay.”  
  
Mrs. Hudson chuckled. “True, and I am not your fairy godmother, but here I am. Look at us both.”  
  
“There has got to be another way.”  
  
“Well, you can splash him with cold water, but all you will get is a sleeping beauty who is very, very wet.”  
  
Prince John swallowed. “How about you lick him, Greg?”  
  
“Hm. I don’t think so. Just kiss him and let us get this over with.”  
  
Maybe it was peer pressure. Maybe it was the desire to go back to his own kingdom. Or maybe he was just horny. Prince John gave in and bent down to give Princess Sherlock a light peck on the cheek. Nothing happened.  
  
“That is cute, Prince John, but really, we need to wake the princess up and escape before Princess James comes back. He has powerful black magic, and old fairies like me cannot defeat him. Now kiss Princess Sherlock on the lips. With tongue.”  
  
“What? On the lips? And why do I need to use my tongue?”  
  
“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to see some action at my age. Come on, give this old woman a little excitement.”  
  
“Fine.” It was against everything he believed in. He was a man, and men were not supposed to kiss each other. Or was it men were not supposed to scratch their groin at the dinner table? He forgot which.  
  
“Here goes,” he thought as he pressed his lips against Princess Sherlock’s surprisingly soft ones. He pushed his tongue inside of the princess’ mouth. The princess had been asleep for a long time and could really use some mouthwash.  
  
Once again, nothing happened. For a while, at least.  
  
Prince John rested his forehead against Princess Sherlock’s and his hand on the other’s cheek. “It is not working,” he muttered. “Why is it not working?”  
  
Princess Sherlock’s eyes suddenly opened. “Arkensane or Irdle?” Prince John was so surprised that he shrieked like a damsel in distress and fell on his bottom.  
  
“W-what?” Prince John managed to ask.  
  
“My name is Princess Sherlock from Baker Kingdom. And who are you?”  
  
“I.. I am Prince John from Boswell Kingdom. And these are my friends, Anderson and Greg. And my fairy godmother, Mrs. Hudson.”  
  
“Not your fairy godmother, dear.”  
  
Princess Sherlock glanced at each of them and finding them dull, turned his attention back to Prince John. “Prince John.”  
  
“Hm?” Prince John looked at him expectantly.  
  
“That.. That thing you, uh, did. It was, uh, good.”  
  
“Did you mean saving you or kissing you?”  
  
“Both.”  
  
Prince John would have smiled, but he found his lips were being held captive by Princess Sherlock’s. He closed his eyes and returned the kiss. Ahh look at me. Minutes ago, I was hesitating to kiss this lovely princess, and now, I am kissing him deeply. In front of…everybody. Oh. He broke the kiss and blushed as he saw his companions. Mrs. Hudson was wiping a tear from her eye, Greg was wagging her tail, and Anderson, well, Anderson was just being his annoying self.  
  
He cleared his throat. “So, my princess, you asked me something about Arkensale and Irdle. Do you mind telling me what that was about?  
  
Before Princess Sherlock could explain, Princess James and Sebastian the Archer suddenly appeared.  
  
“Sorry boys! I’m soooo…” Princess James snapped his fingers while trying to come up with the perfect word.  
  
“Sebby, give me an adjective.” The Archer said nothing.  
  
“Gay?”  
  
“Oh, Princess Sherlock, do not be so obvious. Anyway, let us get to business, shall we?” Princess Sherlock clapped his hands and a glass dome materialized around Mrs. Hudson, Anderson, and Greg. Another clap and Prince John was sent flying against the wall. Groaning in pain, he tried to get up, but Sebastian pinned his clothing to the wall with his arrows.  
  
“Prince John!”  
  
Mrs. Hudson tried to break the glass dome, but like what she earlier said, her magic could not match Princess James’ magic.  
  
Princess Sherlock faced Princess James. “Your curse has been lifted, which means you lost. So now, let us go.”  
  
Princess James just laughed. “You are quite the court jester, Prince Sherlock. Let you go? Ha. I may be mad, but I am not that mad.”  
  
He gestured to his archer. “Sebastian.”  
  
Sebastian raised his bow and aimed an arrow at Prince John’s head. Seeing this, Prince John struggled to break free, but he could not.  
  
“Three arrows. One for each one of them.”  
  
“But there are four of them.”  
  
“Yes, well, I am taking the feline with me. Sebastian could use him as target practice or something.”  
  
“Hey!” Anderson protested.  
  
Princess James ignored him. “As I was saying, three arrows. The three of them dead. Unless…”  
  
He walked to the only window in the tower. It was large, and looking down from that window, one could see only death. And trees. And a few squirrels. But mostly death.  
  
“Unless you jump.”  
  
For a while Princess Sherlock did nothing, but finally, he lovingly gazed at Prince John and said, “Goodbye Prince John.”  
  
And then he jumped.  
  
In place. About a foot high.  
  
Princess James smiled at him, seemingly amused at Princess Sherlock’s display of poor humor, but he raised one hand and Sebastian raised his arrow to aim at Prince John.  
  
“I love games, Princess, I really do. Especially stripping games, but now is not the time for them. Sebby.”  
  
“No, wait!” Princess Sherlock took a deep breath. “I will do what you want. I will jump from this window. Next time, though, do be specific in your instructions.”  
  
“Oh there will be no ‘next time,’ Princess Sherlock. I assure you.”  
  
Princess Sherlock climbed to the windowsill, ready to jump.  
  
Prince John struggled to break free of the arrows that pin him to the wall. “Princess Sherlock, what are you doing? Please, do not do this. I am fine. I can handle them. I have come to rescue you, to bring you back to King Mycroft, to make you my queen. I may not be able to do all of these, but the least I can do is to keep you safe. Escape now, my princess! I will not let anyone hurt you. Even if it is the last thing I will ever do. Today, I have given you my heart, and if I had to give my life to save yours, I will gladly do so.”  
  
“Prince John…”  
  
Princess James was getting impatient. “Are you not such a couple of boring people? Go on now, Princess Sherlock. Jump.”  
  
“Can you please give us a moment? A moment of privacy.” Princess Sherlock seemed on the verge of tears.  
  
“Of course. Who am I to turn down a dead man’s wish? Just no copulating on the floor. Hard to banish the smell from the stonework”  
  
Princess Sherlock stepped a bit closer to his prince. “Prince John, in the very few minutes that I have known you, you have done more for me than any other human being have ever had. You have given me life, and you have given me love. You have shown me that not all people are idiots—although a very alarming amount of people are—and that there are some whose courage and loyalty cannot be compared to any amount of riches or wisdom. But now, our story must come to an end. We may not live happily ever after, but I am happy now, even while staring at Death in the face. And for that, I am grateful. Goodbye my sweet prince.” And with that, Princess Sherlock jumped out of the window.  
  
Throughout Princess Sherlock’s speech, Prince John was shaking his head and whispering his name, unwilling to believe that it was happening. And as his beloved princess jumped out of sight, he could only scream his name. “SHERLOCK!”  
  
Prince John’s scream was so loud and full of anguish that the birds, who had previously crashed due to his dazzling smile and had recently recovered, crashed again.  
  
Princess James just smiled at the whole scene. His job was done and he had to go be evil somewhere else. With a snap of his fingers, he and Sebastian, along with the glass dome and arrows, disappeared. Mrs. Hudson, Anderson, and Greg, now freed, rushed to Prince John’s side to help him up. They had witnessed everything but were unable to do anything.  
  
“My princess… My princess… Where is he now?” Prince John went to look out of the window, but he saw no Princess Sherlock. Not even his body. He began to cry.  
  
“Mrs. Hudson, please do something. Where is my princess? He cannot die. Please… I need him. Do not let him die.”  
  
“Do not cry, dear prince. I will look for his body and try to revive him. I am not promising anything as fairies are not supposed to bring the dead back, but I will do what I can.”  
  
Mrs. Hudson’s last words still hung in the air as another scream reached their ears. But it was no scream of agony. In fact, it was a scream of pure ecstasy. “BEES!!!!”  
  
They all turned to the window and to their shock, Princess Sherlock was there, just hovering in the air. Was it his ghost? No, something was holding him up. Was it a bird? Was it a flying machine? No! It was a swarm of bees! Prince John’s scream touched Princess Sherlock so much that he used all his power to summon all the bees in the area.  
  
He climbed through the window and thanked the bees. Prince John wasted no time. He kissed Princess Sherlock long and hard while their companions cheered. Their kiss was so long that Mrs. Hudson began preparing tea.  
  
After they broke their kiss, Prince John said, “I must now take you back to King Mycroft.”  
  
Princess Sherlock sighed. “Do you have to? My brother is insufferable. Take me to your kingdom instead.”  
  
“Your brother deserves to know that you are now safe. You may not notice it, but he really is concerned about you.”  
  
“Then send him a messenger to tell him that I am safely ensconced in your kingdom and in your arms.” He smiled at the little prince who had so easily made himself a permanent mark on his heart.  
  
“Should I also send him the wedding invitation?” Prince John returned his smile with a warm smile of his own.  
  
Greg interrupted the couple’s eye coitus. “If you are looking for someone to tell King Mycroft the news, I can, you know, do it.”  
  
They agreed and no one commented on how Greg’s tail furiously wagged upon hearing their consent.  
  
*  
  
On their way home, Prince John whispered in Princess Sherlock’s ear, “You are wrong you know.”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“We can have a happily ever after.”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No birds were harmed in the making of this fic.


End file.
